The Vegan Experiment

I finally got tired of thinking of myself as a vegan-wannabe.  I realized that, like so much else, if I want to do it, the time is now.  So, today I'm on day three of my vegan experiment.  I'm going to do this for seven days and then decide whether or not to continue.  I decided to try this for seven days after reading that approach on a vegan website (sorry, I don't have the link because I was surfing a lot of vegan websites last week and didn't write them down).  The idea of the trial period is that it's hard to give up so many foods forever: like giving up an addiction, it's easier to think about it "one day at a time".  Also, I am going away for a weekend next month, to a wedding, and it may be pretty hard to hold to this on the road, especially since I won't have the luxury of choosing where to eat.

Why vegan?  I see this as part of my ahimsa (do no harm) practice.  

I've been vegetarian since last summer.  My main motivation (besides Kit) was ecological: growing plant foods uses less energy, land, and other resources than growing livestock.  Another reason was that, in this day and age, it's more and more difficult to know where our food is coming from and, if it's animal, how those animals are being treated throughout their lifetimes and at the time of their death.  I also heard Gwen Bell, on her podcast "Zen is Stupid" discuss the concept that animal meat may contain the emotions, or some bad chemicals from the emotions of the animals it came from and by eating the animal, you're ingesting the emotion (or chemical). This initially struck me as way out there, but after I sat with it for a while, it started to make sense. Emotions release hormones and other chemicals into the bloodstream. Wouldn't a scared chicken, for example, (or an angry one, if it had been debeaked) release some sort of chemicals into its body from those negative emotions?  What would the lingering result be?  

So, I've been veg, but eating dairy and eggs.  In most cases, I still didn't know how the animals from whom I was getting the dairy and eggs were being treated.  I always bought cage-free eggs, but what does that mean exactly?  So they're not in cages all day - I've read that that doesn't necessarily mean their out in the sunshine, pecking for grubs and doing what a chicken naturally does.  And what about the cows I was getting milk, cheese, and yogurt from?  I had no idea how they were being treated.  And, again, even without that, it comes back to the land...dairy cows are no better environmentally than beef cows.  We now have a huge chicken population to feed our huge human population.  Acre for acre, plant food feeds more of us.

So far, it's been easy being vegan - but I've been home.  I was already pretty well set-up for this in that I was already vegetarian, so I'm used to cooking with tofu, grains, and beans.  I already drink soy milk and eat soy yogurt.  The only challenge has been reading the (sometimes too-small for my middle-aged eyes) ingredients on bread packages and the like.  But, again I'm lucky, my favorite breads, French Meadow Bakery Women's Bread, Richard Bourdin Spelt Raisin, and Heidelberg Baking Company Oat Bran, are all vegan.

I've lost two pounds already.  That wasn't my motivation - but losing weight is one of my goals, so that's good news.  I've been eating very well: a peanut butter and banana sandwich for breakfast, a salad with either nuts and dried cherries or chickpea loaf (okay, that will not be repeated - the chick pea loaf is great, but not in the salad!) for lunch, and any of my usual veggie meals for dinner (last night's was the chickpea loaf, roasted vegetables, and grapefruit).  Sunday night, Hank made pesto (dairy-free) and vegetable pizza (yum!)  My energy is about what it usually is. My mood is great: I'm doing what I meant to do, I'm following my heart and that's always a good recipe to follow.

So, whattdya think?  Any vegans out there with advice?  Stories?  Recipes?  

An Invitation

Fun as it is for me to write about me, me, me, I realize that you, my gentle reader, may be getting a bit bored by this time.  Therefore, I invite you to help me turn this blog into a dialog.  I'm going to try to get back on track and write about what's helped me transform myself from who I was last year (bored, boring, cranky, lazy) to the person I am today (no labels here - I'm a work in progress).

So, what are you working on in your life and what helps you achieve it?  Did you have an experience that altered your life radically, or inspired you to change your life?  Do you have a practice to recommend?  What are the dreams you're working on achieving?

I'm all ears!

Vibes

Here's a true confession: for years I thought the town I live in was amazingly unfriendly.  Too many times, I'd smile at someone whose child was on one of my kid's teams, or even had been in their class and I'd get a stony look back.  "Hello"'s in similar situations were greeted with looks of disdain.  It used to make me want to scream.  My husband thought we hadn't lived here long enough to be accepted.  I could never quite figure out if it was the culture of the town or something about me.

I've dealt with the frustration I felt from this in many different ways over the years.  For a long time, I conformed: no smiles or hellos from me unless I got one first.  Then I tried being super-friendly: I even tried starting conversations with some of the people who had pointedly ignored me.

 

Here's another true confession: none of this was easy for me.  I've been shy for most of my life. As a child, it was hard for me to talk to my mother, let alone strangers.  Most of my teachers in elementary school couldn't tell my parents anything about me except my grades because I did everything I could to avoid being noticed.  In high school, my parents wanted to send me to a small private school, with classes of only five students.  I thought this was the worst idea I'd ever heard: how would I hide in such a small group? Which is a long way of saying that all this town-rejection was tough on me.  I finally accepted that this seemed to be the predominant culture here. I decided that I could say hello and smile when I wished.  I stopped caring when I got no response.

Then, last year, a funny thing happened.  People started smiling at me.  They'd even say, "Hello."  Last week, the woman parked next to me at the supermarket, started telling me about a dog in the car parked next to her (he looked ridiculous with a leaf stuck to his face). It took me a minute to realize there was no one standing behind me and she was indeed speaking to me. Fairly often now, someone here who I don't actually know, finds a story to tell me.  A couple of days ago, our mail carrier, who hadn't driven down our drive since our old wonderful, but somewhat crazed, former dog barked his darn fool head off at him, came down the drive to bring me the mail and chatted with me about his new exercise routine and dogs.

  

I'd like to say that my rising above my shyness and being friendly initiated the change in my neighbors but while that may be part of what's happening, it isn't the whole story. True, once I acted consistently more friendly, more people were friendly back to me.  But now, other people are approaching me first.  People I've never seen before.  This began after I started meditating. I believe I'm radiating a more peaceful, open vibe, and people are responding to it.   

Darn!

I just found out that what I'm trying to do here, has already been done. And much better than this. Darn. I'm going to keep this blog going (really, I didn't think I was the only one using a blog for introspection and personal development along a somewhat Zennish path), but it was a bit of a shock to find another so soon.  And one that's so polished and professional.

But.....I always used to think that if I didn't get something right immediately, if I didn't show world-stopping creativity or genius, then I should pack it all in and move on (always to the next thing that then wouldn't live up to my expectations either).  So, I'm sticking with it now (and I'm sticking with me now), through thick and thin, boring posts, simple design, and who knows?, maybe I'll actually hang in there long enough to learn a thing or two.

But, for now, if you really want to see what I'm trying to do here, your best bet is to go to www.zenhabits.net.  I'll be hanging out there some myself.

On Busyness/On Homemaking

I'm not going to rant here about simplifying my life. Lord knows I've done that for enough years of my life.  And it's as messy/busy as ever.

But...It's 8:00 p.m., I've been awake and busy now since 5:40 a.m. That's....14 hours and 20 minutes.  And I've....meditated, made breakfast for 4 and lunch for 4, dinner for 5, vacuumed and cleaned the basement, walked the dog, worked-out, did 3 or 4 laundries, read and sent numerous emails, made a few phone calls, took a few phone calls, met with our painter, took the kids to school, picked up the kids from school, took one kid to a music lesson, helped another with homework, etc., etc., and you'd think it would have made a dent, but the to-do list is as long as ever.

 

I'm sorry. I'm whining. I know: this is life. I know: the to-do list ends when I die and I'm not ready for that to happen.  However, today I realized that this might be one reason I spent so many years procrastinating: nothing ever gets  to done, because nothing ever is done. It's disappointing. Like riding a stationary bicycle: you spin the wheels but never go anywhere. We make a mess everyday.  We sleep in the bed every night, so there's always a bed to be made in the morning and linens to wash. We wear clothes that get dirty and then have to be cleaned. We get hungry and need food every day, which has to be shopped for, stored, cooked, cleaned-up after. It's a cycle of doing just like the earth turns every day and cycles around the sun every year.

Hmm, so maybe it's time to think that it's wonderful that I have a house to clean over and over and over again, dishes to wash again and again because I'm fortunate to have food to put on the dishes, clothes to clean and even a washer and dryer to use when I clean them!  I had a friend years ago who was shocked that I found this taking care of life stuff mind-bogglingly boring. He thought of it as a terrific way to spend time because it kept him alive. Oh. I think I get it now and it only took me twenty some-odd years. (Some-odd, indeed!)

So, if you want to know what I'm doing tomorrow, my to-do list says, "More of the same." And that's okay with me.

BTW

Looking at my blog (which I spend way too much time doing), I realize that reading it may give one the impression I'm Buddhist.  I'm not. Neither am I a yogi or anything else.  As I adorably told a neighbor when I was about three (just ask my mother, she's the one I got the story from and decades of kudos for being so adorable), when asked if I were Jewish or Christian, I replied, "I not either, I just a little girl."   And although I was raised Jewish and am that culturally (more or less), and I enjoy reading about the practice of Zen Buddhism, listening to Zen podcasts, practicing yoga and meditating, I prefer not to define myself or throw my lot in with any "isms".

No knock on those that do.  But I'm still looking for my way and there are so many choices out there that I hate to limit myself.  I reserve the right to change my mind at any time (at which point, I hope Mom still finds me adorable).

Just thought you should know.

One More Thing

I realized this morning (as I meditated) that the one thing I want above all else is to know what I'm supposed to do to make the world a better place.  I've dabbled in a number of community service/social actions projects, but I never got the feeling that, "This is what I'm meant to do." It always felt like I was doing someone else's work, even when it was a project I was in charge of.

So, I'm putting it out there: to my inner dweller, the universe, whatever you call it, that when what I'm meant to do is revealed to me, I'll do it.  

At this point, I have no idea what "it" may be.  I don't expect to find out next week or next month, but I do expect that with my kids getting older and needing me less, my finding this out will correspond with them heading off to college.

One last thing: a bit of a prediction on my part.  I wouldn't be surprised if "it" has something to do with India.  I've never been to India, but it's danced around the periphery of my consciousness since I was a kid.  We'll see.

13 Good Words

"Perhaps the only limits to the human mind are those we believe in"  Harman Ellis

The above thirteen words sum up what I'm trying to do.  I'm trying to not limit my mind so as to not limit myself and then to see where I end up.  

We put limits on our minds every day by accepting our own and others definitions and limitations of us.  We leave greatness for either someone else or God.  What would the world be like if we each really, really set about being our truly best selves, with no limits or excuses?  What would that even mean to be our best selves?  Would we recognize ourselves?

Every time I say or think something limiting about myself, I've actually done the limiting.  If I think I can't remember names when I meet new people, I won't.  Lately, I've been thinking I can remember, and I do. sThat may be a pretty inconsequential example, but I think it makes the point. 

Try this one on for size: how many times have you been nasty to someone and felt somewhat justified because you were tired, hungry, stressed?  Imagine dealing with that person from a point of view of no excuses for yourself.  Would you still bite their head off?

At the class I took with Joe Dispenza, one of the first things he had us do was to introduce ourselves to the people we were sitting next to and to tell those people that we were geniuses. Nervous laughter broke out around the room.  No one did it.  He told us to do it again and we all waited for his signal to start before more nervous laughter and we complied.  And this was even though Dr. Joe defines a genius as a person who can change himself which seems like a pretty easy thing to do and not the usual definition which would be something  like a person of extremely high intelligence.  Using Dr. Joe's definition, anyone who tries to do so can be a genius.  By the typical definition, at this point only a few people are geniuses (but, maybe if everyone lived intentionally and tried to have a very high intelligence, everyone could be so).  I don't know.  I'm speculating.  But even using Dr. Joe's definition, we're not comfortable being geniuses.  Striving for that level of greatness feels wrong to most of us.  We don't think we can attain it and we don't think we deserve it.  And, we may even be afraid that being a genius entails greater responsibility.  Instead of thinking we're all capable of it, we're afraid that others will think we're too full of ourselves if we have such lofty goals.  

However, just walking this earth, having this chance at life, is such a huge gift, that I think we each owe it to ourselves, each other, and the world to make ourselves our best selves so that we can live our best lives and see where that leads us.  I suspect it couldn't possibly lead us anyplace else than to having a much, much better world for all of us.

It's interesting.  I just reread the last paragraph.  In my little, fledgling practice, I keep coming back to this idea of being a good person: compassionate to all animate things and the world.  Each day, during my meditation, I go through what I want, and as I meditate on them, they either crystallize on how they would lead to my living a more compassionate life or they fall away.  For example, my desire to write crystallizes into that it's a way to become more creative, and if I'm more creative, I can think more creatively on how to be compassionate as I go about my day and may lead to finding a "bigger" project that would help the world.  My desire to get our house in order is that it would make my family's life more pleasant and also simplify my life leaving me time that could be geared to helping the world.  And the desire for a part-time job to just earn some money has fallen away.  

The spiritual leaders of all traditions, throughout time all saw this (compassion) as central to their teachings (at least I know of none who taught otherwise).  I really am trying to go within and strip away what I've been conditioned to believe.  So, have I not been able to strip away my conditioning yet and am still echoing the ideas of the people around me?  Or, do I too just happen to believe this?  And if so, where did this belief come from? (Whoa!  That's a big question - where do our ideas come from?)  Is this a common belief that's hardwired into us all?  Is there a universal consciousness that we tap into and learn this from? 

Phew!  I'm off to sit on the cushion.  Usually, that's before coffee and certainly before philosophizing!  Somehow, I think it's going to be an interesting session.....

YAY!!!!

A big shout-out to Kit and Veronica for reading my blog!!!!!

Wow!  Thanks guys, I love you!

You were even kind enough not to comment on my typos 

(especially kind since you're both big writing buffs!)

Kind of ironic that a student and a teacher read my report card,

but that's life.