The Lead-Up

I have a wonderful life. Wonderful family (husband, kids - I even love the extended families on both sides). We have a cool house in the woods. Enough liquid propane to keep us warm in the winter. We can afford the gas to drive where we need and wish to go.  Healthy food to eat, clean water to drink and wash with, a safe spot to live in.  We have friends, laughter, and a lot of music in our lives.

But it's been years since I started trying to figure out what to do with my life - and I wasn't getting any closer to knowing. I wasn't even getting any closer to starting any of the projects I told myself I'd do to before "getting a real job" (I'm a homemaker and I've done it for years, and I'm sorry if this offends but I believe that though we may work hard, it really is very different from bringing home the bacon - veggie or otherwise).  I realized last year that I felt very much as I did as a teenager when I was going through an identity crisis. But, now here's the kicker - as a teen I felt like I had forever to figure it out. Thirty years later I realize that time's a-wasting - either I learn and become who I really want to be or I lose the chance.

So, I'm working on it.  It's hard but it's easier than I expected it to be.  It's both boring and exhilarating.  It's turned my thinking upside down which has brought my thinking back home to where it's always been.  The old me is gone and the new me is the old me.  And strange as it may sound, this paragraph makes perfect sense to me!